At nearly a year since I became single, I have been out there giving the dating world a shot. It is a jungle out there, but I have learned some interesting stuff. Dating is complicated, but only if you over think it. There are two important factors to look at: you and the woman you are trying to find.
Self Improvement – Creating Attraction
Okay guys, I have done a hell of a lot of reading and have figured something out about women. Many of them will deny it, but it is a tested truth. Women are not going to fall for a “nice guy.” They are going to fall for someone they are attracted to.
Attraction is an interesting science, and the best explanation I have found comes from David DeAngelo of “Double Your Dating” fame. First off, throw out the idea that a women’s attraction is anything like a man’s and that women are logical when dating. It is all based on an instinctual attraction that they have little control over.
What a man is attracted to is very obvious. While personality can improve things a little bit, a man is attracted to a woman’s physical beauty. Big in the right places and small in the right places are important features. I can give you an honest opinion of whether a girl has a chance with me within about two minutes of meeting her.
Women, on the other hand, develop attraction based on personality traits over physical traits. Sure, you can’t be a fat, sloppy, ugly guy and assume it will all go well. You have to be good looking enough, but enough means ‘not repulsive’ in this world.
As DeAngelo says, a woman wants a guy who makes them feel excited and interested. Despite your own personality, this comes down to two basic character traits that can be exploited and used to create attraction. The trick is to be “cocky and funny.”
Cocky alone means you are an asshole. Funny alone means you are her “friend.” A winning combination of the two will take you to your end goal, whatever that may be, if balanced and used correctly.
If you want an extra boost, you can try a little trick I picked up from Tim Ferris, author of the “4 Hour Body.” The goal is to triple your testosterone in order to create the natural chemicals that attract a woman to you. This is as much of an animal instinct experiment as you can find.
I tried it. It works.
Over a 24 hour period, eat a diet that consists primarily of organic beef, whole eggs (pan cooked or hard boiled), and a combination of nuts and dietary supplements. I focused on the beef and eggs part.
I went dancing at a local bar. I was surrounded by beautiful women and douche-bag guys. I did nothing different from most nights out. Girls started approaching me to dance. (It happens occasionally, but not as much as this night)
So, find a way to open the door, be physically ready, and pull out the cocky and funny. You are sure to score, in whatever sense of the word you are looking for.
Not Being a Wuss
Girls are not attracted to wussy guys. But, as Tyler Durden famously said in Fight Club, we are a generation raised by women. We are raised to embrace our feminine side and our feelings. Forget that crap. Your Mom raised you to be like she wanted you, not like an attractive woman wants you.
Women want men. Men make decisions. Men do what they want and go after what they want. This is our natural instinct. It has been bred out of us, but it is not hard to get it back. Stop trying to bend over backwards to impress women. Don’t give up your power in a relationship to make a woman happy. Be yourself. If she doesn’t like you for you, move on.
While I love playing my Xbox, girls don’t want to hear about it. While I had fun playing drunk Laser Quest with my buddies that one time, girls don’t want to hear about it. Girls want interesting stories that make them laugh and curious.
Talk about things you have done that are exciting. I dropped a story about a time when I was traveling in Budapest by myself (interesting) and ended up following a group of locals to a rave in an abandoned fire house (exciting). She was hooked.
Mix funny, cocky, mysterious, interesting, and exciting and you will be sure to attract the most beautiful girls out there.
Finding the Right Girl
This is the tricky part. I am looking at dating as a numbers game at this point. Go on enough dates, you will find a girl that you really like (and likes you back). If you go on ten dates and it goes nowhere, keep going. Think about it. If you go on 100 dates you have ten times as many chances of finding a good match. You only need one to work out to be a success in the dating world. If you go on 100 dates and have a 1% success rate, you are a winner.
Bars and Clubs
Bars suck to meet girls, but for some reason everyone still tries it. I have found that my success rate in bars is incredibly low. You might get a bite every once in a while because you are fishing in a big lake, but don’t count on finding the prize catch here.
I have found better luck and much more fun at a place with dancing. It might be because I always have fun when I am out listening to good music and dancing, but I prefer a rocking dance club to an old fashioned bar. Again, don’t expect to find your future wife here. If you have shorter term aspirations, however, and you “got game,” you can do alright here.
I am on a Jewish dating website called JDate. (Pause for you all to laugh at me) But, I have had a handful of dates from the site. I wouldn’t be writing this post if any of them had worked out in the long run, but I have had a fun time meeting interesting girls.
I do have several cousins who have found their spouse on sites like JDate, so don’t discount it until you’ve tried it. Also, you have to be a pro at building a profile to get a good response. If your profile doesn’t work, re-write it or lose weight and put up a new picture. Harsh words but true words.
Young Professional Groups
I frequent the young professional happy hour scene in Denver, and I have met a lot of interesting girls. Of course, you meet many more acquaintances than dates at these events, but getting out there and meeting people is step one. Remember what I said before, it only takes one.
Don’t date girls that you work with. Let me say that again, don’t date girls you work with.
This might be the best place to find dates for a high success rate. Your friends know you. If they think you would be a good match, they are probably better than some dating website algorithm. If your friend tries to set you up, go for it. What have you got to lose?
Always Be Ready
You never know when, where, or how you will meet someone. I go on a lot of first dates. I go on a handful of second dates. I go on an occasional third date. I have met those women through the methods outlined above.
Have a Goal and Work Toward It
Some of you may be looking for a one night fling. Some might be looking to casually date. Some might be out to juggle a few girls to prove that you are a bad ass. Others are looking for a serious, long term relationship and marriage. Any one of those is a good goal, but know what you are looking for and work toward it.
There are plenty of single girls out there. There are plenty of opportunities for love and heartbreak. Figure out your goal and go for it. What are you waiting for?
If you have tips, advice, or stories, I would love to read about it in the comments.