I am always reading a lot, and a recent topic of interest led me to look introspectively at how I carry myself and act in social situations. I have always thought of myself as a “nice guy,” but have found that being too nice can keep a guy from getting what he really wants in life.
On the other hand, I don’t want to be an asshole. You don’t attract the kind of friends or women that I am interested in by pulling the asshole card. Instead, I have realized that the trick to being independent, fun, and slightly mysterious is to act deliberately and not apologize.
If you are a screw ball that doesn’t plan out your next move, you never know where you are going to end up. You could do something stupid at the wrong time that requires an apology. Spontaneity is one of my favorite ways to live, but I also have a long term plan for what I want in life.
If you see something, or someone, that you want, go through the steps to reach your goal. Be deliberate. Plan out your strategy, build a game plan, come up with a plan of attack. Then execute. Don’t be a wuss. Don’t come up with excuses. If you want to go on a trip, work hard and make the money. If you like expensive things, align your career goals with your income needs to get there. If you want to dance with a beautiful woman at an awesome night club, man up and ask her.
Of course, don’t do this in a way that makes you look like an ass. You don’t have to put people down or break laws to get what you want. Build yourself up and think of yourself in a high regard. As author David DeAngelo says, it is okay to be cocky, as long as you do it the right way.
If you do not act deliberately, you have ample opportunities to screw up. When you screw up, you have to apologize. That is a fact of life. If you do make a mistake, take the heat and move on. However, you should not have to apologize if you always act deliberately.
I have offended people with my thoughts and opinions. I am not one to tread lightly on a heated topic. I have no problem speaking against political correctness at the right time. When I speak, I mean what I say.
If my actions and speech are intentional and designed to help me reach a goal, why should I have to apologize?
If you are offended by what I am saying, that is too bad for you. If you disagree, that is perfectly fine. I am mature enough to be friends with people I disagree with. I recently sparked a heated discussion among friends regarding gun control. I have strong opinions that are against what many of my friends believe, but that does not mean we cannot be friends. However, I will not apologize for my opinion.
I once knew a girl that publicly, and in a 6th grade immature girl way behind my back (she was 25 years old at the time), did not like me after I said an opinion about certain socioeconomic groups living in New Orleans – namely that people who can’t afford to leave an area that is repeatedly hit by major hurricanes that is located between a gulf and a lake below sea level. She was not mature and able to handle being my friend after having a heated discussion, but that did not mean I was going to apologize for having a deliberate, albeit controversial, opinion that I had developed after much research and thought.
One of my favorite examples of a man acting deliberately is Winston Churchill. In a famous moment a woman said, “Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more, you are disgustingly drunk.” Churchill, Prime Minster of the United Kingdom at the time, was doing something he enjoyed and saw no reason to apologize. In a moment of wit, he replied, “Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.”
While he was walking the fine line of asshole at that moment, he was a man who can be admired for his intellect, thought, and action. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Don’t apologize for being yourself. Go after what you want in life. Be assertive. Act deliberately. Never apologize.